Where is my God?

I have been avoiding posting on my blog for a while now because I just didn't want to write about the everyday happenings in our house without first addressing our recent tragedy. I really, really have not wanted to put this out for all to see, but the more I've talked with God about it, the more I hear Him say that by brushing it under the rug, I would be missing a huge opportunity to give Him glory, praise, and honor and to let Him show His compassion, faithfulness, and love to others.

Many of you may already be aware of our loss, but to share with those who don't, Jimmy and I recently lost our second child. I still feel stinging, sharp pain in my heart to say this. I was 10 weeks pregnant when I had a miscarriage. One of the worst, most helpless and heartbreaking experiences is to see an ultrasound with no signs of life from your child. The silence in that room when you don't hear the heartbeat of your baby is like no silence I've ever experienced--you know when you watch a movie and realize that there's no background music or noise or anything and how noticeably absent and strange it is. Hearing silence from the ultrasound was so much more strange and quiet with some horribly sad, sinking emotions attached.

Even in our helplessness and heartache, God was ever present. In the exam room that day, Jimmy and I saw His love in my doctor and her nurse, who were so kind during and after the ultrasound. Dr. S. delivered the news with so much compassion and shared a few tears with us. She and her nurse allowed us some time in the room to grieve, and again, I felt God's love surround us as we held onto each other. Since then, our family and church family have poured us with His love and strength through prayers, food, hugs, kind words, and support. Unfortunately, I can't deny that I've been angry with God and doubted Him and questioned Him and cried to Him and asked where He is. I continue to fluctuate through a wide range of emotions, but in it all and as an answer to my blog title, I know--beyond my knowledge and with a wisdom only from Him and His Holy Spirit--He has not left me; He gives me hope, and He loves me so much.

I want to say a sincere thanks to all our family and friends for their prayers, hugs, words of encouragement, cards, food, laughs, etc. And I'll just end this post with one of the many verses God has given me to help carry me through this storm.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5